I GAVE UP CHESS
Like many people, I took up chess during the pandemic after watching The Queen’s Gambit. I’d played it on and off before that, mostly against computer opponents, and without learning the rules properly.
In 2020 I discovered Chess.com, got myself a subscription there, and immersed myself in the newly cool chess culture, avidly watching Gotham Chess’s YouTube channel, among others.
I tried to play seriously - bought books, studied openings, did tactical puzzles, and then stepped into the online arena to pit myself against real humans.
It was fun, it was exciting, it felt intellectually challenging. I had no illusions about my potential - my only goal was to be good enough so that the bloke in the pub who thinks he’s quite something would only beat me after having to think fairly hard about it. A modest ambition, to reach the lower levels of the intermediate.
Sadly in this goal I was thwarted. Despite doing everything recommended to learn and improve my rating, I never advanced beyond the beginner level, which felt like a humiliating insult to my intelligence.
I think I’m just one of those people who are not capable of playing chess decently. Nobody in the chess world will admit that some are just not suited to the game, but that is definitely the case with me.
It’s not mentioned, but there is a kind of trap where you cannot advance beyond the upper beginner level. You try to play proper disciplined chess, but just keep coming up against opponents who play stupid non-standard aggressive moves, which forces you to learn how to thwart them, rather than play ‘real’ chess.
There’s also a nasty addictive side to the game. I initially concentrated exclusively on longer games, but ended up playing 5 minute ‘blitz’ again and again to kill time on my long commutes to work. These short games do not help a beginner learn and do not facilitate the acquisition of good game habits. There is the constant temptation for ‘just one more game’ and rage and depression resulting from long losing streaks. Altogether unhealthy.
I’ve been off chess for two months now, and I’ve changed to language learning as a means of killing the hours of commuting. I love the idea of chess - it’s depth and surrounding culture, but it’s just not for me any more.