THE LYRICAL GENIUS OF HALF MAN HALF BISCUIT

For my money, the greatest opening line to any song ever is that of the fourth track on Half Man Half Biscuit’s debut album ‘Back in the DHSS.’

Here it is in all its glory:

“Have you ever wondered how you get triangles from a cow?

You need butter, milk and cheese and an equilateral chainsaw.”

To fully get it, you do perhaps need to be of a certain age and demographic (growing up in the UK in the early 80s and an avid watcher of commercial TV), but I think the inherent Dadaist absurdity is there to be enjoyed for all.

Incidentally, the title of the song also ranks as one of the best : “99% of Gargoyles Look Like Bob Todd.” You don’t even need to know who Bob Todd was to bask in the poetic magnificence of it all.